Postpartum depression and anxiety… even typing those words I just want to erase them because it feels like I just admitted something bad. The truth is it is a topic many people don’t talk about and is embarrassing for some reason?
I’m about 11 month PP and still struggling with it from time to time. I never thought this would be my life and I’m not on the “I want to kill myself” spectrum but I def have some blues and anxiety.
This has been the hardest year of my life! I feel like it can only get easier. A colic baby, I think would send any sane person into depression.. seriously someone needs to find a cure for that (if that’s possible lol). Some days u just want to cry and you’re not even sure why. Other days it’s not sadness but just wanting to get away and have a different life. But mostly it’s just feelings of seriously what am I doing with my life??? Not feeling like yourself and if I have to hear crying for another minute I might snap. Having zero energy to invest in other people but feeling bad for not. When you get out of your pjs and do your hair and makeup.. it’s a good day.
Wish I could say here are all of the things I did to get over it, but for now I’m just in it. Instead of always posting how peachy great life is, sometimes it’s not.
That doesn’t mean I don’t see the blessings in my life though! Like my child who I am obsessed with even if he makes life hard and a loving husband, family that cares, a cozy house and even my God who sees me right now and listens to me complain about this aspect of my life when he has given me so much, but I think he understands where I’m at.
For any mom out there going through the same thing, I feel ya.
Being ❤️ Brooke Capper 
Babies change your hormones and chemicals! I didn’t have too much trouble with PPD with my first after the first month, but baby #2, oh man. Did not know anxiety could be a part of post partum depression. Never had a panic attack in my life before being pregnant with A.
I’ve actually been thinking about going to therapy, even to just have some time to myself on a regular basis. Meeting with my Writers’ Group once a week has made a big difference since I didn’t do that when C was a baby. Having a structured place to be with other people where I’m working on a personal goal has just been really helpful.
But yeah, thinking about therapy. I was at the dentist’s the other day to get a cavity filled and was like, “*Sigh*, finally I can sit in a chair by myself and not have to worry about meetin 10,000 different needs.” It stopped being relaxing when the drill came out, but I’ve decided not to feel guilty or bad about seeing a professional.
Elise was helpful because I was complaining about how hard it is to be in charge of so many people’s (and one needy dog) emotional needs, but I didn’t feel like I wanted to try to add one more thing to my plate (seeing a therapist regularly). She said that the therapist’s job is talking through what I need, and it’s okay to have one person who doesn’t need anything from me and who is just there to help me.
Solidarity, sister!
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